My Love...

My Love,

You are the first safe place that I have known. Seems strange to say considering your reputation. When we first met, I was young, stupid, self-involved. Even then, I could feel you, see you, I was so drawn to you but could not understand why. The closer I looked, the more I got to know you, I could see that in so many ways, I had been blind. They say that familiarity breeds contempt. That may be true for some, but not for you and I. The longer I loved you, the wider your lips, the more spread your arms.
 
You introduced me to strange and sad and brilliant creatures. You showed me things I never could have imagined. I grew up with you. I am who I am, how I am, in large part because of your influence. You stayed up with me when everyone had gone to sleep. You whispered and shouted and chastised and humiliated me. I watched as so many I have cared for have cursed your name and blamed you for their failures. I watched you destroy people close to me. I have never been truly alone for as long as i have known you. Even if it may have felt so.

I adore you Lover. Your dips and crevices, cracks and curves, the harsh bumps and delicate details. Your rhythm, your age and wisdom. Your cruelty. Your sensitivity. Your aloofness. Your flow and cadence. The blood of you. Your soul. The way you smell in the rain. Your harsh laughter. I am yours. Perhaps I always have been, even at first though I did not know it.
You are the first safe place that I have known. Being forcibly separated from you gives me pain like none I have ever felt. This wrenching sob that will not come out.
Some laugh at my devotion. They acknowledge your beauty but cannot feel your pulse. They do not know what it feels like to be cradled by you. The don't "get it". I would feel pity for them but really I can only be grateful that this is mine.

You have taken so many lovers. I will not be the last. You are the ultimate whore with a discerning palate. You are Kali and Kali-mah. So much and now, once again, a supplicant bows at your feet and begs you to be the phoenix. Because I cannot fathom a world without you.
I would tear apart those that have abused you and continue to do so, even now. Rip out the tongues of those that would slander your name. If I could, I would protect you. But I cannot.

Lover, while I am away, do take care. I know your story and I realize that you will not be the same when I return. But I will return to you. Of course you know that. I will cover your face with my kisses and fill your gaps with my tears. You are the only safe place that I have ever known...

Black Snake Moan: The Abridged Script

(I posted this on my Myspace blog/LJ a few years back, and Woody mentioned it recently so I thought it's be fun to revisit and post it here!)

FADE IN:

EXT. MEMPHIS TENNESSE

Christina Ricci and Justin Timberlake have sex, then Justin leaves to go to war.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Now that he's gone, I'm going to take a shitload of drugs and let everyone fuck me!

CHRISTINA'S MOM
Wow, you're quite the despicable idiot.

CHRISTINA RICCI
I was abused as a kid.

CHRISTINA'S MOM
Never mind then, you're blameless! Need some condoms?

Christina gets raped by one too many guys and Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson finds her beaten and half-naked outside his house the next morning.

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Jesus Christ! What the hell happened to you?

 CHRISTINA RICCI
Yeah, I got my ass kicked.

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
No, I mean, when did you turn into a sack of antlers? Didn't you used to be curvy and hot?

Samuel brings Christina inside his home to take care of her.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Shouldn't you take me to hospital? Are you qualified? 

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Of course I am, now get in this bath full of ice cubes

Samuel chains Christina to his radiator. This is probably supposed to be hot, but is disturbing. And kind of hot.

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
I'll cure you of your nymphomania.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Oh. I guess you'll want to give me an old t-shirt so that I don't have to spend the whole movie half-naked.

 SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Ummmm… No. I'm going to sing some blues and read the bible to you instead. Feel free to writh around in your panties.

Samuel speaks like a stereotypical Southern Black man while Christina is chastised for her sexuality. She eventually learns to speak softly, wear flowery dresses and cook for men.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Wow, it's like the movie is competing with itself to see if it can be more sexist or more racist.

We finally leave the set of Sam's house for a dive bar where Sam can sing some blues.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Is it OK if I dance suggestively with a shitload of guys while you sing, or would that be a regression to my whorey ways?

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Go right ahead, ain't nothin' sinful about being a tease.

Samuel plays the blues, mending his broken heart.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Isn't this movie made by the guy who did Hustle & Flow? Does he only make movies about how music invented by black men can be emotionally cathartic for black men?

 SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Hey, who understands the plight of the black man better than the white son of a rich corporate developer?

Christina illustrates her newfound purity by singing some Christian hymns while Samuel plays more blues.

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
I can play the blues again! 

CHRISTINA RICCI
And I don't want to fuck everything that moves!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
And I've overcome my crippling anxiety disorder for a few minutes! 

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Oh, the amazing healing power of a cursory understanding of Christian theology!

Christina and Justin get married. Everyone lives hazardously-ever-after.

CHRISTINA RICCI
So what exactly is the difference between this movie and a porno?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
Pornos have better music. I'm bringing sexy back. Go ahead, be gone with it.

END

A Tune a Day: Tuesday

When your sparkle evades your soul
I'll be at your side to console
When you're standing on the window ledge
I'll talk you back, back from the edge

I will turn, I will turn your tide
Be your shepherd, I swear, be your guide
When you're lost in the deep and darkest place around
May my words walk you home safe and sound

When you say that I'm no good and you feel like walking
I need to make sure you know that's just the prescription talking
When your feet decide to walk you on the wayward side
Climbing up upon the stairs and down the downward slide

I will turn, I will turn your tide
Do all that I can to heal you inside
I will be the angel on your shoulder
My name is Geraldine, I'm your social worker

I see you need me
I know you do
I see you need me
I know you do, I know you do


I will turn, I will turn your tide

Do all that I can to heal you inside

I will be the angel on your shoulder

My name is Geraldine, I'm your social worker

A Tune a Day: Wednesday

Every time I'm fallin’ down
You take the reprecussions
Headaches and anxieties
Advancing my frustrations

Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me

Hand up your soul to my wrist
And I'll vow my trust to you
Moving here I always thought
I realized you've imagined

Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me

Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me

A Tune a Day: Saturday

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

A Tune A Day: Monday

As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

We'll be washed and buried one day my girl
And the time we were given will be left for the world
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague
So let the memories be good for those who stay

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"
Yes, my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved
Was the same that sent me into your arms
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone
And no hope, no hope will overcome

And if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

A Tune A Day...

When I was in primary school I was apparently very musical, so much so that my teachers took it up themselves to foist the recorder upon me, despite my protestations. This was not the only musical instrument I was lumbered with, oh no, I was also a prisoner of the trumpet for a long weary while. But unlike the trumpet I grew to enjoy playing the recorder, and we were all given a book of songs to work through called "A Tune a Day". I remember very little about it except that the one I had had a blue cover, when all the other kids had a green one. This is because I had the second book in the series, so was a whole book ahead of the others. This was not, alas, due to any kind of musical prowess on my part. On the contrary, I was off the day they handed out the music books and they didn't have enough green ones to go around. Rather than photocopy or let me share, I was instead given completely different music to learn before I'd even learned where to put my fingers on the blasted thing.

I think this is the story of my life.

BUT that whole story was just to explain why I chose this title for this post. I've deicded to post lyrics to a different song every day, as a kind of cathartic exercise. Songs that mean something to me, and are applicable to how I feel at the time. It's like... I still want to post and tell everyone how I'm doing, but sometimes words fail me and I can't explain for the life of me in proper English. At times like that I've always fallen on using someone elses words to do the explaining for me, and that's what I want to do this week. I toyed with the idea of the song or band starting with the same letter as the day (which todays coincidentally does), but that seemed to make it too deliberate. What if the song I WANTED to post didn't fit this? Me then trying intentionally to find a song that was appropriate JUST to make it fit didn't seem genuine. Missing the point of the exericise.

Anyway, I'll post todays separately. This post is overly long as it is.