The Human Onion

I wear glasses because I have bad eyesight, not because they make girls look geeky.

I don't wear make up because I'm lazy, not because I'm some sort of feminist.

I don't bake or cook because I don't have time or space, not because I can't.

Conversely, I'm not going to bake or cook because you think I SHOULD, but because I want to.

Yes I'm arty. I'm crafty. I like cute things. But I am the total enemy of whimsy. I detest twee.

I admit I'm overweight and yes I talk about it, but that doesn't mean you get to lecture me about it.

Also it doesn't mean I don't look great in a short skirt.

My life is not perfect and I wont pretend otherwise just because you can't be bothered with people moaning.



Not every blog post has to be unicorns shitting rainbows and whimsical fuckery.

Lax

Yeha I've become very lax about writing recently. At first it was because I was laptop-less and being useless at typing on a touchscreen phone isn't conducive to good blogging! Now I'm just too bloody busy. College, house repairs, organising shizz for holidays and of course fitting in some all-important WoW time are all just eating up every minute of my day. BUT! It means I've got more time to think about what's happening with my other blog! I want a blog that people will READ, like actually make the effort to look at to see what's there. I'm not saying no one does that with this blog, I love the small number of readers I have, but I want to reach a larger audience too. It's also going to be tied in with my Folksy shop which I finally got around to setting up! They'll have the same name and will be roughly related in content. Got your attention? Good!

Cos it's time for the bad news!

It's probably going to be around mind to late November before ANY of this happens. My mums house is having a new heating system installed (we haven't had heating or hot water for almost a year. Thank god for power showers!) and to install it without ripping up my mums just-installed easy-access shower, they instead have to rip up my bedroom floor which is laminate flooring. This means EVERYTHING I own had to be boxed up and stacked at the other end of the room, so all my arts and crafts stuff are totally inaccessible *weep* all I could keep was what I could fit into a plastic box so I had to prioritise and take stuff that's college related really. The installation will only take a day, but god knows how long it'll be before I can unpack everything. My sister might end up having to lift my whole floor (it's the flooring that clicks into place) so I'd have to completely empty my room for that. Not easy. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Even if this is all done quickly, the hubbatron and I are off on our holibags for 2 weeks from the end of October till mid November, so there's very little point in unpacking everything before we go. So as soon as I get back it's all systems go to get everything set up and start advertising etc before Christmas.

The other thing that's occurring to me is that right now my room looks like I'm packed to move house. I'm hoping it's somehow fate that I've had to do this and that perhaps it means Woody and I might get our own place soon finally!

Again, fingers crossed people!

Atishoo, atishoo...

Tonight I made my first-ever "Inchie" for Amy's autumn inchie giveaway competition! I really enjoyed it too! I had no idea working in such a small space could be so challenging or so much fun!

You should all give it a go kids ;D

Size Matters...

I <3 autumn, it's one of my favourite times of year. I love the colours of the trees and the sky. I love getting to FINALLY wrap up in layer upon layer of cosy clothes and enjoy the crisp air that always smells awesome at this time of year. I always swear I can smell the seasons change and autumn by far has my favourite smell!

Happily, I'm not alone in my love of autumn, or fall if you prefer! One of my favourite bloggers, Amy of "The Inchie Project" fame continues to delight me with her recent posts about this time of year, and she's so full of enthusiam that it's pretty darned infectious! Lisa, you would LOVE her blog I guarantee, so I suggest you pop over there soon because she's having an Autumn Giveaway!
I must admit I want to win her giveaway and fully intend to use every entry opportunity I get (though you might have to wait a day or two for your fall inchie Amy, my head's like pudding just now!) and on that note, I'm going to leave her ever-so-pretty blog button for you all to go "Ooooooooo!" at (because I don't know how to add it onto anywhere else on my blog :S help!)

 

Sunday Night

I want dreads again

I love that my husband and I can sit in silence for hours and not feel the need to fill it

I wish people would take more photos of me

I wish my husband would take more photos of me, without me asking. I want to capture every facial expression, every movement, every word he says. I sometimes feel he's not interested in remembering anything about me, perhaps just content to experience me right here, right now

I can't wait to fit into those jeans

Finally hearing "Inglorious" today after what is probably years was total ear candy

I'm pretty contented and happy right now

New blog?

So, I'm thinking of starting a new blog. Not another "Day in the life of..." one, more one with a specific purpose, a bit like Amy's "Inchie" blog though not perhaps THAT specific cos....I don't have an idea for just one thing? Nah, I want to make one where I share things I've seen, photos I've seen or taken, products, cultural things, that kinda thing!

Now just to think of a name....

Kinected

My new old obsession - kinetic typography

Package Deal

Recently I've been thinking that it's about time I released some of my creative wankery upon the world, so I decided to start selling some shizz. Sales were at an all time low with my trademarked "Wait-until-someone-asks-you-to-make-them-something" approach so I decided I should probably make a fresh start by setting up shop somewhere. I have an Etsy shop although I've never done anything with it, but I'm not completely in love with the site. I feel it's gotten a bit big for it's boots and kinda lost it's initial charm, plus then I run the risk of something I make ending up on Regretsy though I'm not totally convinced that's a bad thing! A friend of mine uses Folksy, but I haven't properly taken the time to check that site out so if anyone could give me any info that'd be much appreciated :) also, a lot of people I know are doing the whole "Selling Your Shit On Facebook" thang, but that doesn't appeal hugely. I'd like to be a bit more professional than that.

So. To my point. Pardon my french, but I'm fucking obsessed with packaging. Obsessed. If you're gonna give me a gift the contents of the package are relatively inconsequential compared to the joys and delights of well-designed packaging.

One of my favourite boxes. It was like getting an enormous easter egg!!

When Woody handed me my gift bag for my birthday and I pulled out that little Tiffany-blue (cos it was, y'know, Tiffany) card bag I was already in raptures, but when I looked inside and saw two little rectangular boxes I was ecstatic. Not because I had two pieces of Tiffany jewellery, but because that meant there was two lots of packaging to squee over! And THEN, when I opened the boxes, there was *gasp* another layer of packaging!!! Each item was in a little drawstring bag which was (be still my beating heart) divided inside to keep the silver from rubbing. You could have chucked two cheap bangles from Claire's Accessories in them and I would still be in pig heaven just because of the presentation. I want other people to be as excited about my packaging as I was that day. I want to spread the happiness brought to me by layers of cardboard and tissue and paper and and and....

Ok, NOW I'll get to my point! I'm struggling to come up with a packaging design I like. I like colour but only when used sparingly. I'd normally go for classic black and white, but I'm not feeling it this time. So what's a girl to do? I think I might combine the three! Like, black and green with white accents, and vice versa. And then there's the dilemma of what KIND of packaging to use! Plastic pouches, paper wrapped, boxes?

SO MUCH CHOICE!!!

Methinks it's about time to put what graphic design knowledge I have to good use and try to come up with something. I'm doing Visual Communication at college this year so hopefully that'll get the old creative juices flowing properly! If any of you have ideas you care to share, feel free to leave me a note in the comments :)


Do YOU have any odd obsessions?

Under Construction

Still farting about with a lot of things, so if you stop by and nothing seems to make much sense and links go nowhere, then you know why!

She called out a warning...

"Don't ever let life pass you by."

This post has everything to do with the title and nothing to do with the rest of the lyric. I just wanted to warn everyone that reads this (all 3 of you!) that I'm going to be changing the title of my blog. Just wanted to warn you so when you see a new title in your blogroll and are like "Who...?" you'll know! Not absolutly certain what it'll be yet, but I'm sure you'll figure it out! Hopefully be a new look to go with it...I've always preferred clean, uncluttered, black and white themes on my blogs (anyone who's ever seen my old Livejournal will testify to that!


Well, at least the black and white bit...

A Tune a Day: Wednesday 25th August

How you been? It's been awhile,
I heard you found someone to make you smile
Stick around, you got a pen? It's just so great to see your face again
Take a chair, pull up a glass, do you remember when I saw you last?
Things have changed, and no regret, I'm glad we got to share a little etiquette

One of these days in a classical way I was just in lust with you
Shutting out fire where the flame of two lie I was just in lust with you
And in the passion that plays in a chemical haze I was just in lust with you

I know you felt it too

'Cos I miss you, but not that much. We only shared a little human touch
Nothing wrong or impolite - you're acting like pleasures got a copyright
So backtrack, get the record straight. We only had a day to intermate
No one signed on the dotted line.
We never said there'd ever be a second time



One of these days in a classical way I was just in lust with you
Shutting out fire where the flame of two lie I was just in lust with you
And in the passion that plays in a chemical haze I was just in lust with you

You know I felt it too

So why the worry, so why the guilt, huh? So why deny a night under the quilt?
So we were lonely, so we agreed:
We only did it for the company

Things is wrong and things is right, things got a way of changing overnight
What's so wrong in turning on? Instead of being alone when the chances are gone

'Cos it was one of these days in a classical way
I was just in lust with you
Shutting out fire where the flame of two lie
I was just in lust with you
And in the passion that plays in a chemical haze
I was just in lust with you

D'you know?
'cos you
You felt
It too

It looks kinda like this...

Have you ever had someone say to you "What does YOUR world look like?" sarcastically when you say something that they think is ridiculous? Or something to that effect? Well, I had that said to me rather nippily recently, so I think I'm actually going to answer that question.

It looks something like this -




In my world colours are hyper-saturated, with darker tinted edges you can see out the corner of your eye. Every day is the first day of autumn and you can faintly smell burning tangerine skins on the air. Girls dress in polka dot dresses and turned up jeans with heart-shaped glasses, red lipstick, and scallop-edged aprons, and all the men have greaser quiffs and bowling shirts. The time of day is always the golden hour of twilight, just when the clouds go pink and your cocktail starts to look extra colourful. Stargazer lillies and orange roses are in abundance and Cheap Trick, Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray, Lit and Everclear feature heavily on the soundtrack. Brightly coloured muscle cars with flames up the side hold drag races in the alleyways and couples giggle while cracking crab claws on the beach front. In this world I am the perfect size, with the perfect wardrobe, and the perfect teeth to go with my red lipstick and headscarf, with my husband on my arm in his bowling shirt and quiff, smiling at me in a way that makes my heart race as only he can.

I don't think my world is so bad, do you?

Liebe ist fur alle da (or the story of our first wedding anniversary!)

One year on - "To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world."


So yesterday, the 13th of August 2010, was my hubstand Woody and I's first wedding anniversary. A lot of people have told me the first year is the hardest, but to be perfectly honest we didn't get that atall. Perhaps because we've already lived and acted as though we were married since day dot of our relationship. We've always lived together, dealt with money jointly, all the things that a lot of couples don't start doing until that commitment is made. We don't see it as our first year of marriage but as the 3rd year of our relationship, which is 3 of the happiest years of my life.

As a married friend mentioned in her blog(where she describes marriage beautifully), we know what is it what makes our marriage work. We have fun, laughter, trust, compromise and respect. We take the light things in life lightly, and the serious seriously, and we do it all together with the others help and support. He's my rock, my best friend, my conscience and my voice of reason. We don't live in each others pockets and we do our own things, but we're happiest when spending time with each other because as I said, he's my best friend and there's no one else I'd rather spend time with! We work hard to make and keep each other happy and to make our marriage solid and content. Sure we have our falling outs and hard times, but these are blips on the radar of our happiness, and as such we don't dwell on past arguments or cast things up but move on, because we know what we have is too important to let something silly get in the way.


I love you Woody, oh best beloved xo


NOW! On to our night!

As most of you may know, Woody and I were married in Las Vegas by Elvis last year! Because it was just the two of us and we didn't have any family there we didn't have a wedding cake. I've been dropping hints for pretty much the entire year and I think his mum must have gotten fed up because I got to her house yesterday and was presented with this:

She got us a cake! She even wrote "Woody" on it which I was very touched by (obviously his mum calls him his proper name!). His daughter made the little bunches of roses at the corners too. I love it! We all had a slice each and it's now sitting in my mums kitchen getting slowly decimated by my neices and sisters!

Because we're both foodies we couldn't think of a better way to spend the evening than going for a nice meal so we decided to go our for dinner. At first we couldn't think where because we were torn between wanting to go somewhere familiar which didn't feel very special, and going somewhere new which was a bit worrying incase the food wasn't very good and let the night down. So after browsing 5pm for ages (holla at Mich who works for them!) we decided to go to The Blind Pig on Byres Road in Glasgow. We heard they did a head-to-toe of pork and seeing as we're both big fans of nose-to-tail eating, it sounded perfect.

Oh, and it was.

First the decor is spectacular. As Woody mentioned it all looks like Fee of Niche Handmade decorated it! It looks just like her blog and shop!

Look at the cornices and chandeliers and and and...everything!

Even the menu itself was gorgeous! I actually quite liked the way it was presented, just as one large sheet as opposed to a book. I don't like too much choice on menus so this was quite reassuring!

 We decided to have a big meal seeing as it was a very special ocassion so we had 3 courses and a lovely bottle of Pinot Grigio wine. To start I had the prawn and brown shrimp cocktail (but they had no shrimp which was a shame) which was incredible, and Woody had the smoked mackerel, lemon and herb pate on sourdough bread which was also amazing!

Then we both had the "Head-To-Toe" of pork which included belly, loin, cheek and trotter. It was my first time trying trotter or cheek so I was a little nervous I needn't have been, it was immense!

Stunning presentation!


We both had the whiskey pannacotta and coffee for desert than hopped back on the train home. We considered picking up a bottle of wine for in the house but were both too shattered to think about drinking more so we just headed back to mine. 

A wonderful night was had by all! Here's to many more!

We(eds)

It happens to all of us sooner or later. Even I myself have been guilty of it. It was covered at length in Bridget Jones.

Do you know what I'm talking about? No?

What I'm talking about is couples, previously two separate entities, becoming "we"s. It starts off innocuously enough. When people get together at first, it's obvious they're going to want to do things together, and go places together, that kind of thing. But then things change. Slowly it creeps in and takes over. "I" and "s/he" vanish, replaced by "we". Suddenly you never see your friend alone again, every social outing must include the significant other, or they only ever want you to come over and hang out with "us", never "me". Before you know it your friendship with this person is gone like your pretty Geraniums, replaced by something else entirely. A grotesque singularity that cannot be separated. The We(ed).

This is what's happened with my "best" friend. I use quotation marks because I don't really know I can call her that anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still care for her a great deal and her boyfriend is a sweetheart I have a lot of time for, but that doesn't mean I want to spend all my time with THEM. I want to see HER once in a while. I want HER to come into Glasgow for drinks or lunch, and perhaps to go round to her flat to spend time with HER. But no, it's always "us us us" and it's tiring.

Now, I have lots of friends who are part of a couple. Take the lovely Lisa and her equally lovely husband Dave (Lisa, my apologies for using you and Dave as an example without prior permission! If you wish me to change it to Mr and Mrs X or change my example altogether, just say!). They've been married almost two years (huzzah!) and do almost everything together. Generally when I speak to Lisa about doing something Dave is generally involved as well. But this is not because Lisa in incapable of interacting without Dave, or vice versa. It's because they're the best of friends! Their friends are very much mutual, so it's never a case of one is hanging out with the others friends, they are socialising with THEIR friends. But Dave does things on his own, and Lisa does things on her own. If I was to ask Lisa if she wanted a girlie night out, then Lisa is who I'd have the night out with! The same is true for my hubstand and I. We don't do everything together because one of us feels we HAVE to, but because we WANT to. It's when you can tell a couple do everything together because one or the other cannot do anything alone anymore and has become completely co-dependant that I become frustrated.

I think some of the most important things in a relationship are retaining your sense of self, your independance, and your individuality, because if you don't you'll just become another We(ed).

Are there any relationship issues or quirks that really get YOUR goat?

(I stole the idea for this bit here from pretty Miss P. Her blog is one of my favourites, go check her out!)

A Tune a Day: Tuesday 27th July

Never been here, never coming back
Never want to think about the things
That happened today
Want to lay down on the warm ground
I think I'm going to need a little time to myself

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

I ask you for a slow ride
Going nowhere
You look like Satan
You ask me if I want to get high
Couple of bags down in old town
You tie your arm and
Ask me if I wanted to drive

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

Last thing I recall
I was in the air
I woke up on the street
Crawling with my strawberry burns
Ten long years in a straight line
They fall like water
Yes, I guess I fucked up again

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

Blog Schmog

I have like, 5 draft blogs sitting here. Looking at me. Taunting me. "Finish us!" they cry. "Give us sweet release and finiiiiiiish uuuuuus!" Well TOUGH. I CAN'T finish you. Because every time I start writing just now, I forget where I'm going with my point and it becomes a bunch of absolute twaddle. I'll get them out there eventually, but for now I'm enjoying picturing them looking like that flashback on "Family Guy" where someone is watching "Two and a Half Men" and it's a guy severed at the waist on the floor. My blog drafts are that guy.

My Love...

My Love,

You are the first safe place that I have known. Seems strange to say considering your reputation. When we first met, I was young, stupid, self-involved. Even then, I could feel you, see you, I was so drawn to you but could not understand why. The closer I looked, the more I got to know you, I could see that in so many ways, I had been blind. They say that familiarity breeds contempt. That may be true for some, but not for you and I. The longer I loved you, the wider your lips, the more spread your arms.
 
You introduced me to strange and sad and brilliant creatures. You showed me things I never could have imagined. I grew up with you. I am who I am, how I am, in large part because of your influence. You stayed up with me when everyone had gone to sleep. You whispered and shouted and chastised and humiliated me. I watched as so many I have cared for have cursed your name and blamed you for their failures. I watched you destroy people close to me. I have never been truly alone for as long as i have known you. Even if it may have felt so.

I adore you Lover. Your dips and crevices, cracks and curves, the harsh bumps and delicate details. Your rhythm, your age and wisdom. Your cruelty. Your sensitivity. Your aloofness. Your flow and cadence. The blood of you. Your soul. The way you smell in the rain. Your harsh laughter. I am yours. Perhaps I always have been, even at first though I did not know it.
You are the first safe place that I have known. Being forcibly separated from you gives me pain like none I have ever felt. This wrenching sob that will not come out.
Some laugh at my devotion. They acknowledge your beauty but cannot feel your pulse. They do not know what it feels like to be cradled by you. The don't "get it". I would feel pity for them but really I can only be grateful that this is mine.

You have taken so many lovers. I will not be the last. You are the ultimate whore with a discerning palate. You are Kali and Kali-mah. So much and now, once again, a supplicant bows at your feet and begs you to be the phoenix. Because I cannot fathom a world without you.
I would tear apart those that have abused you and continue to do so, even now. Rip out the tongues of those that would slander your name. If I could, I would protect you. But I cannot.

Lover, while I am away, do take care. I know your story and I realize that you will not be the same when I return. But I will return to you. Of course you know that. I will cover your face with my kisses and fill your gaps with my tears. You are the only safe place that I have ever known...

Black Snake Moan: The Abridged Script

(I posted this on my Myspace blog/LJ a few years back, and Woody mentioned it recently so I thought it's be fun to revisit and post it here!)

FADE IN:

EXT. MEMPHIS TENNESSE

Christina Ricci and Justin Timberlake have sex, then Justin leaves to go to war.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Now that he's gone, I'm going to take a shitload of drugs and let everyone fuck me!

CHRISTINA'S MOM
Wow, you're quite the despicable idiot.

CHRISTINA RICCI
I was abused as a kid.

CHRISTINA'S MOM
Never mind then, you're blameless! Need some condoms?

Christina gets raped by one too many guys and Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson finds her beaten and half-naked outside his house the next morning.

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Jesus Christ! What the hell happened to you?

 CHRISTINA RICCI
Yeah, I got my ass kicked.

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
No, I mean, when did you turn into a sack of antlers? Didn't you used to be curvy and hot?

Samuel brings Christina inside his home to take care of her.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Shouldn't you take me to hospital? Are you qualified? 

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Of course I am, now get in this bath full of ice cubes

Samuel chains Christina to his radiator. This is probably supposed to be hot, but is disturbing. And kind of hot.

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
I'll cure you of your nymphomania.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Oh. I guess you'll want to give me an old t-shirt so that I don't have to spend the whole movie half-naked.

 SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Ummmm… No. I'm going to sing some blues and read the bible to you instead. Feel free to writh around in your panties.

Samuel speaks like a stereotypical Southern Black man while Christina is chastised for her sexuality. She eventually learns to speak softly, wear flowery dresses and cook for men.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Wow, it's like the movie is competing with itself to see if it can be more sexist or more racist.

We finally leave the set of Sam's house for a dive bar where Sam can sing some blues.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Is it OK if I dance suggestively with a shitload of guys while you sing, or would that be a regression to my whorey ways?

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Go right ahead, ain't nothin' sinful about being a tease.

Samuel plays the blues, mending his broken heart.

CHRISTINA RICCI
Isn't this movie made by the guy who did Hustle & Flow? Does he only make movies about how music invented by black men can be emotionally cathartic for black men?

 SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Hey, who understands the plight of the black man better than the white son of a rich corporate developer?

Christina illustrates her newfound purity by singing some Christian hymns while Samuel plays more blues.

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
I can play the blues again! 

CHRISTINA RICCI
And I don't want to fuck everything that moves!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
And I've overcome my crippling anxiety disorder for a few minutes! 

SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Oh, the amazing healing power of a cursory understanding of Christian theology!

Christina and Justin get married. Everyone lives hazardously-ever-after.

CHRISTINA RICCI
So what exactly is the difference between this movie and a porno?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
Pornos have better music. I'm bringing sexy back. Go ahead, be gone with it.

END

A Tune a Day: Tuesday

When your sparkle evades your soul
I'll be at your side to console
When you're standing on the window ledge
I'll talk you back, back from the edge

I will turn, I will turn your tide
Be your shepherd, I swear, be your guide
When you're lost in the deep and darkest place around
May my words walk you home safe and sound

When you say that I'm no good and you feel like walking
I need to make sure you know that's just the prescription talking
When your feet decide to walk you on the wayward side
Climbing up upon the stairs and down the downward slide

I will turn, I will turn your tide
Do all that I can to heal you inside
I will be the angel on your shoulder
My name is Geraldine, I'm your social worker

I see you need me
I know you do
I see you need me
I know you do, I know you do


I will turn, I will turn your tide

Do all that I can to heal you inside

I will be the angel on your shoulder

My name is Geraldine, I'm your social worker

A Tune a Day: Wednesday

Every time I'm fallin’ down
You take the reprecussions
Headaches and anxieties
Advancing my frustrations

Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me

Hand up your soul to my wrist
And I'll vow my trust to you
Moving here I always thought
I realized you've imagined

Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me

Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me

A Tune a Day: Saturday

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

A Tune A Day: Monday

As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

We'll be washed and buried one day my girl
And the time we were given will be left for the world
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague
So let the memories be good for those who stay

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"
Yes, my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved
Was the same that sent me into your arms
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone
And no hope, no hope will overcome

And if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

A Tune A Day...

When I was in primary school I was apparently very musical, so much so that my teachers took it up themselves to foist the recorder upon me, despite my protestations. This was not the only musical instrument I was lumbered with, oh no, I was also a prisoner of the trumpet for a long weary while. But unlike the trumpet I grew to enjoy playing the recorder, and we were all given a book of songs to work through called "A Tune a Day". I remember very little about it except that the one I had had a blue cover, when all the other kids had a green one. This is because I had the second book in the series, so was a whole book ahead of the others. This was not, alas, due to any kind of musical prowess on my part. On the contrary, I was off the day they handed out the music books and they didn't have enough green ones to go around. Rather than photocopy or let me share, I was instead given completely different music to learn before I'd even learned where to put my fingers on the blasted thing.

I think this is the story of my life.

BUT that whole story was just to explain why I chose this title for this post. I've deicded to post lyrics to a different song every day, as a kind of cathartic exercise. Songs that mean something to me, and are applicable to how I feel at the time. It's like... I still want to post and tell everyone how I'm doing, but sometimes words fail me and I can't explain for the life of me in proper English. At times like that I've always fallen on using someone elses words to do the explaining for me, and that's what I want to do this week. I toyed with the idea of the song or band starting with the same letter as the day (which todays coincidentally does), but that seemed to make it too deliberate. What if the song I WANTED to post didn't fit this? Me then trying intentionally to find a song that was appropriate JUST to make it fit didn't seem genuine. Missing the point of the exericise.

Anyway, I'll post todays separately. This post is overly long as it is.

Thought I should mention...

...that my last post wasn't about anything serious or the like. Just a story about a couple of people SERIOUSLY irritating me, which was kinda funny in the end (but not really). So, no need to worry folks! I'm actually feeling pretty positive about things right now-

• College will be over in a few weeks and I'm fairly confident about my mark for my Graded Unit, and I know I'll pass everything else so there's no real need to stress about that.  Can't help but worry a little, but I wouldn't be as hard to get everything right if I wasn't!
• I start back at derby practice on Tuesday and although I'm panicking about how good all the newbies are, I can't wait to meet them all! AND can't wait to be skating with M and S (no not Marks n Sparks!) again! It'll be nice, the three of us getting the underground etc together again, cos S is on our training committee so she comes on Tuesdays again.
•  With college finishing, I'll have more time and energy to myself, so myself and a couple of girls from college are trying to find new things to take up during the summer, including going to the gym together during the week and maybe a summer class or something.
• Taking F's advice, I'm thinking about taking up Muay Thai. She said it'd be great for improving my fitness and strength, which will in turn be good for derby, which is good!

So I'm trying my hardest to focus on what I'm excited about right now, which is helping me be in better spirits these days. I'm not going to lie to myself and pretend all my problems are gone just because I'm in a good mood, but I like to imagine that if I'm in a better mood then my problems wont seem so unsurmountable.


Let's hope I can hit 27 feeling a lot lighter in many different ways :)

Vow of silence?

I had a post I was just DYING to get out there but thanks to not really wanting to have to make my blog invite-only or anything like that, I can't lest it fall into the wrong hands.

So I'll leave you with the knowledge that I'm really tired and don't want to get up as early as I do.

God I feel fat today.

My Gas Heart

Is in a state of constant fluctuation...
One minute vapour-light
The next lead heavy
In the blink of an eye it goes from empty to full

And back again
But never is it in one fixed state, or still
Always either agonizingly tender
Or hollow and vacant
Longing to be filled at just the right level

To be content

Sellers Remorse

(I got these lights as a Christmas gift from Ebay a while back... so cool! Plus, they plug into a USB port!)

I have SO much guff that I need to get on Ebay sharpish. Shoes, clothes, books, just random crap! But I soooo cannot be bothered :( it just seems like so much hassle, with all the sellers fees and trying to remember if I have the right Paypal account registered, that kinda thing. Gah! Anyone in the market for some high heels?

I'm so lazy...

Hair-raising!

"No one really understands how simple and plain and predictable I am...now I'm just losing my hair and I'm learning how to smile like I just don't care..."

Man I REALLY hate my hair right now. I should note that picture was taken November 2008, don't w'all go panicking that I shaved my head again! I was washing my hair earlier on and was ever so slightly freaked out by the amount of hair I'm losing. Now, I'm absolutely rubbish at taking care of my hair. I don't brush it every single day, I wash it when I have to, and I'm incapable of styling it cos I just don't know how! So it just kinda gets tied back and forgotten about.

But now I'm getting traction alopecia on the corners of my hairline and I hate it! I dislike my hairline and forehead as it is, so I really don't want to make it any worse! I have this weird compulsion that whenever I tie my hair back, I start pulling it out of my bobble a clump of hair at a time and because my fringe is shortest and comes out easily, it gets it the worst. I need to get a bloody hair cut so my fringe is too short to tie back so I don't do this!

I really want dreads again :'(

Holy Graded Unit, Batman!

SO, I'm doing my Graded Unit in college right now. Basically it's a really intense unit where we're given a choice of briefs which we then have to complete in 3 sections: Planning, developing, and evaluation. We're given a mark for each and then given a grade, either A, B or C, at the end. The brief I chose is "Book and Box - The Human Body". Considering how interesting I find the human body and anatomy etc, I thought I'd find this not easy, but easIER than other subjects.

WROOOOOOOONG!!

Basically, I've drawn myself into a corner. My subject matter is body modification and what it has to do with the human body. My problem is I'm honestly struggling to think what to actually put in the book! As it is, my sketchbook is full of research on hand-bound books, what kind of book I want to make, research on the human body and soon it'll have my body mod research in it too. I'm just really not sure what to do WITH the research when I have it! I was thinking about putting in stuff about tribal modification, irreversible modification, amputations, that kinda thing. Not necessarily just piercings and tattoos! And I still have NO idea what to do about the box...and I need to have ALL THIS DONE BY WEDNESDAY MORNING.

Argh.

So yeah I have a favour to ask of all my lovely readers :) if you have ANY ideas what I could do about either the content of the book or the box, let me know! Also, another idea I had was putting in pictures of peoples tattoos and their reasons behind them (completely anonymously of course), so if any of you have a story you wish to share about your inkage, again let me know! You'd all be doing me a HUGE favour!

I also thought I'd share a few photos of what I've done so far, and a couple that are just me being a total artfag :D

Painty swirls

Stuff about "Coptic" book binding

Stuff about handmade books

Human anatomy on treated paper

Human body stuff on treated paper

Pages from a book that I "altered". Every element is from a story about Thomas Chippendale

Muscles of the face in coloured pencil on treated paper

Painted muscles of the arm


*phew* there we go!

And I hate everything about....me?

Ok, not really! Just couldn't think of a title for this post so I thought I'd quasi-quote some Ugly Kid Joe :)

So I wasn't actually tagged to do this, but after reading Amys blog, I took it upon myself to do it anyway. Cos I love talkin' bout myself y'know? K k I don't really. I just felt like it :) So. I have to tell you 10 things about myself. I actually DO like this kinda thing...I feel you can learn a lot about people when they do things like this. So here goes!

1. I'm completely phobic about a few things. I know a lot of people have at least one phobia, but I have like 4! They are: daddylonglegs (different from what I think most Americans would consider a daddylonglegs. I think they're just called craneflies there) moths, butterflies, and starfish. There's a story behind the starfish, but the others I'm just terrified of. Even the sight of one sends me into a blind panic.

2. I'm a hopeless romantic with music. Almost every song on my ipod reminds me of something to do with a relationship, be it good or bad, and sometimes it gets in the way of me listening to my favourite songs.

3. I'm a roller derby fanatic., and although I love getting people interested in it, I'd be gutted if anyone I know started playing it. Ridiculous I know. Leave me be!

4. I'm very very arty. It's just about my only real talent! I have no idea what I'd like to do with it in the long run, but I'll more than likely try and go into teaching.

5. I think I'm boring. I know you shouldn't compare yourself to other people, but when I think about myself compared to my husbands and previous partners exes, or to most of my friends, I honestly feel like thee most uninteresting person in the world.

6. I LOVE continuity errors in movies! I seriously get so excitied when I notice them and love pointing them out to others (whether they like it or not!)

7. You all probably already know this, but my wunnerful Woody and I got married at Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel by Elvis on the 13th of August 2009 :D and as a wee claim to fame, the chapel was featured in an episode of CSI AND was in the background during a scene in "The Hangover".

8. I hate the how trendy it is to say certain 80's cartoons were your favourites. I don't doubt most people are being genuine, but it's still irritating. For the record, my favourite cartoons when I was wee were Dogtanian and the 3 Muskehounds, Around the world with Willy Fog, Mysterious Cities of Gold, and the Muppet Babies. Fuck the Thundercats!

9. I collect dummies (or pacifyers, whichever you prefer). When I was small my mum picked one up in the street and couldn't tell if a child had dropped it, and she thought this was sad. Ever since, I haven't been able to walk past one lying in the street or in a shop without picking it up and taking it home! I also gladly take ones off people whos kids have outgrown them, and my sister even bought me one with my name on it! If any of you have any you want to get rid of, just lemme know ;)

10. I make REALLY REALLY good sushi!


Ummm who to tag? I think Lisa because she's a genuinely interesting person and I'd love to see what she would write!

Derby is as derby does...

So. I've been going to roller derby practice since 04/10/09, so that's been 3 months so far. 3 months of the toughest workouts and hardest tests of strength I've been through, which might sound like an exaggeration but if you knew just how unfit I really am, then you'd know it isn't. I really am a complete wreck. Just the other day I had to tell a girl I can't to "The Plank". Not because I'd hurt my ankle so couldn't put the weight on it, but more because my arms and toes just can't take my weight and I slump down instantly! So that was a tad embarassing. But I'm working on it. Healthier diet, exercising as much as possible, attending practice every week, positive attitude, etc etc.

But I'm struggling to maintain the positive attitude. I always knew it wasn't the easiest of sports to take up, and even just learning how to skate is hard (at least for me it was), but I didn't really plan for the effect it would have on my mindset in general. I'm not the neediest of people, but without a certain level of encouragement, I get disheartened pretty quickly, but in roller derby the attitude seems be "well, cry if you must, but tough shit, get your skates on". It's not like anybody is actually SAYING that to me though. That's just the vibe I'm getting. Like I can't get upset that I can't do something, or that I've hurt myself, or cos I'm jealous of the people that started at the same time as me that are strides ahead. Perhaps I'm just too damned sensitive, but there's not a huge amount I can do about that. I'm trying my hardest, but it'd not exactly easy. I honestly spend 2-3 hours a week feeling like an idiot, because I can't do what I want to do, which is skate well and occassionally communicate with people. I know I'm a quiet person, and I'm even irritating myself with talking about this, but it's honestly like I don't know how to make friends anymore. I watch the people I AM friends with being chatty with everyone else, but when I try it's like the conversation dies. But it's not just derby practice that's happening with. That just seems to be the case everywhere right now. Perhaps people are picking up on the way I feel, and it's making me hard to be mates with (which is perfectly reasonable). But sometimes, seriously, I feel like Michael Scott.

Anyway, you'd be forgiven for thinking after reading this that I was thinking of giving it up. Well I'm not. I seriously love it. It's only because I love it so much that I get so upset by it. If I hated it or wasn't enjoying it, I wouldn't be stressing over it and I'd stop in a heartbeat. But it's become part of my life, the way everyone that's involved says it does, and if for any reason I had to stop going for a while or give it up entirely, I'd be heartbroken! I just want to enjoy it more. I want to do well. I want to get along with people a bit better. I want to spend more time skating and less time wanting to cry. And I don't necessarily want, but wouldn't really mind either, the occassional pat on the back when I manage to go 3 laps without falling over.

Knitted brows

I'm an arty type. I like to experiment with different types of arty and crafty stuff, but find I get down pretty quickly if I don't pick something up as quickly as I'd like. A lot of the girls I know are very crafty and come up with the loveliest things, and I find myself quite envious at times, so I wanted to make more of an effort this year to get better at the things I struggle with.

My friend Susie has kindly offered to teach me how to knit properly! I know how to KNIT, if that makes sense...but that's about it! I'm rubbish at reading charts and counting stitches, so I can knit a mean square, hell I could probably knit a whole scarf or blanket! But a hat to go with them? Not so much. And what the hell is felting? I thought I knew but after checking out Loraines blog I realised I don't have a freakin' clue! THIS is the sort of thing I want to do!!

So I have loads of needles (plastic unfortunately) and wool and I'm gonna see when she has time. I've been seeing some of the stuff friends have been making and it's making me itch to get something going. I hae 2 awesome knitting books so I'll see if she'll take me through some of those patterns to get me going.

There's a LOT of stuff I'm interested in improving on, but for some reason knitting is stuck in my head ATM, so I might as well grab it and run with it. It'll probably be yet another of my flash-in-the-pan interests (again. This isn't the first time I've tried to take it up!) but meh. If it keeps me occupied and gets me spending more time with friends then it can only be a good thing :)

New Look

I also changed my layout. Not keen on the dreadful bevel-and-emboss effect on the drippy black thing, but I'm quite a monochrome mood these days so it'll do for now :)

A long December...

...and there's reason to be believe maybe this year will be better than the last...

I remember thinking of this song in Dec 08 and thinking "Yes, next year HAS to be better". Was it? Well, it wasn't worse, that's for sure. Better is debatable. So these lyrics are in my head again now, in Jan 10, because Dec 09 was truly the longest December of my life, but this time I really do believe that I have reason to be believe that 2010 will be a better year. Again, perhaps this is because I feel it couldn't really get much worse, but also there are new things and new hopes for 2010, so maybe it's for a positive reason after all!

I desperately want to get back into blogging properly, but I didn't feel I could without broaching the subject of the past few months at least a little. As I'm not quite ready to talk about most of it, I wont go into detail right now, but now that I've partially broken the silence I might just update regularly and revisit this post if/when I am ready in the future.

For now, I hope all my readers had a very merry Christmas and a very happy New Year :D


xo